For years I have carried a huge source of pain,
One riddled with guilt that runs deep through each vein.
I blame myself for what happened, I didn't say no.
But I was a young girl, and I didn't know.

I didn't know that fear could paralyse your voice,
With my naive view, I thought I didn't have a choice.
All I knew was it hurt; I felt scared, and alone.
I hadn't yet learned the value of picking up my phone.

Calling for help could have ended it all,
But instead it became months of an internal brawl.
I was already hurting before he entered my life,
He just added to the pain, as a new form of knife.

I couldn't accept what had happened, so I tried to make it right,
I internalised the torment, and hid the truth from the light.
I thought I deserved it, I thought maybe it was normal.
So the only reaction I could think of, was to make the relationship 'formal'.

Now it still haunts me, both when asleep and awake,
But there isn't much more secrecy I can bare to take.
The shame has stopped me talking, as I find excuses for what he did,
But I know I need the healing that comes from opening that lid.

All the burning questions why, all the pain within my secret vault.
Started to lift the night I spoke up and heard; 'It's truly, not your fault'.

~ Simone Brick, 2019. ~

Still We Rise