Forget balance. Life is in the extremes.
'How do you balance everything you do?'
I've lost count of how many times I have been asked this recently. To me it seems an almost odd question because the people asking are often those I think are busier than me. From mothers and fathers who are managing to hold a family together, raise kids, work full time, and still try to find time to chase their passions; to nurses working night shift while trying to train for events and still have a social life and not get sick. We live in a hectic world full of multitasking and stretching our time to the max. One where taking a day to just be is unheard of. So in my mind, the better question is, 'how do you not get caught up in the craze of doing and being everything to everyone, and just focus on this moment'. That, is tricky.
In the past I have looked at people around me and wondered how they seem to fit so much in and have it all together. The spark of jealousy that came from my twisted perception of their reality often motivated me to try to fit more into my days. Until eventually I was again unable to get out of bed due to the overwhelming depression and anxiety that came with thinking about what I 'had to' or 'should' do. Then through the pain of finding myself at rock bottom again I realised that balance is a myth, and that even if balance does exist, a life that is truly 'balanced' every single day is one I'm not interested in at all. When I think of balance now, I think of boredom, falling short of full potential, and fear of commitment.
Yes there is a give and take to everything in life and all aspects such as family, friends, career, study etc needs time dedicated to it for healthy functioning. But that doesn't mean every day or even every week has to address every one of these pillars of life. The way I see it, if you have more than two main focuses at once, you are juggling, not balancing. At some point you won't be able to catch the ball thats in the air and it will hit the ground hard.
On the other hand, with some prior introspection, it is possible to define values and priorities moving forward so that when things come up, it is possible to shift and carefully put aside certain things to address later. That way you are only ever holding one or two focuses at once. Nothing is in the air at the mercy of the elements, and in that moment you can stand on a solid foundation and put all your energy into the top one or two priorities. To do this, instead of chasing the illusion of balance, I'm chasing my potential and limits. This mission prompts me to do really well at the things most important to me now, rather than taking on too much and doing a mediocre job of everything.
How that plays out in my life is that each of my days looks anything but balanced. I'm either all in on training, so I struggle to study, or all in on study, so training suffers. Then there are times like when I was on holidays and injured, so I was all in on volunteering and giving back while the opportunity presented. These periods of intense focus could go for a day, a week, or a month - usually whatever is required to achieve the results I am after. When I'm training hard, I say no to catch ups with friends, I may not attend family events, and my study marks drop off a little until the race is over. On the flip side, when my priorities shift for the day/week/month, I am all in on these other aspects of life. I change to giving my whole self to my family and friends, or studying for 8 hours straight. So over a year things really do even out.
It took me a while to trust that this 'macro balance' would happen. To begin with I felt selfish sometimes, burnt out at others, and conflicted in feeling like I was committing too much to my goals and didn't have a plan B. But I have come to realise that by always addressing my top priority and ensuring that top priority is in line with my values, I am able to be more of myself and achieve more than I could have ever dreamed. Rather than feeling spread thin, I feel focussed and energised as each new day comes. The friends and family members whose birthday I miss eventually get their catch up and hug, and when they do it is filled with more love, gratitude and presence than if I rocked up to their birthday tired from training and study and wishing I was in bed. Of course, sometimes social events win out even in peak training or study time - again that comes down to priorities.
Right now, this approach has become a true blessing for my overall health. I used the time of my injury this year to focus on study and the community I surround myself with more, so now that I am able to run again I feel more ready than ever to train hard, recover harder, and put aside other goals for a while. That is why as soon as I made the Australian team and started to get overwhelmed, I withdrew from 2/3 of my uni load, and I'm back to eat/sleep/train/study/eat/repeat with rare occasions of free time spent doing anything else that fits in, as a bonus rather than necessity.
In the juggling analogy, rather than juggling five balls at once, I am choosing to put aside almost everything and grip tight onto training with both hands so I can get the absolute most out of myself. I haven't dropped any balls, I see them all carefully places beside me waiting, and I will get to them all in time.
So when people ask me how I balance everything, the answer is quite simple. I don't even try. I don't chase that idea that life has be completely together and perfect any I need to please everyone. I chase commitment, truly giving myself to something and making it work. I chase the extreme highs and lows of life, rather than constantly living in the middle ground of 'getting by'.
I often think how much happier and more incredible the world would be if everyone stopped trying to be all things, and instead focused on being and doing the one thing they love in the moment. I know this seems an unreachable ideal rather than reality. I too have lived in a state where grabbing opportunities isn't possible and 'the moment' is nothing but pain. But life doesn't have to stay that way, and the opportunities may start extremely small. Committing to recovery taught me that focusing on my own health and goals is anything but selfish because it allowed me to help others, and how truly valuable full commitment is. That is why now when any opportunity in line with my passions presents to me, I waste no time wondering whether to go for it at the seeming detriment to many other everyday activities. I would want anyone else in my position to do the same, because it is only when you try to balance everything that you have to start juggling and you risk dropping the ball.
So, unless juggling really excites you, know that is okay to not be all things at once. Yes I am a student, an elite runner, a personal trainer, a nurse, a daughter/sister/aunty/friend and many other things. But I am only ever trying to be one of these in any moment. Reflection, prioritisation, and a deep knowledge of my inner values and goals was a huge step away from the depression that came with aiming for balance, and into the invigorating and blessed world of finding life's beautiful extremes.
Still We Rise