A day in the life of 'atypical' anorexia.
On the walk home I dispose of all the hidden morsels of food at a bin in a park. I count my steps as I go, trying to control every little bit of what I am doing. See, I'm different now. I'm one of those people that has self control. I am 30kg down and suddenly everyone is treating my differently. Mum is happier with how I look, when I go out I no longer feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, and I have a boyfriend now. I must be doing the right thing, surely. Besides, I can't have a problem, my BMI is still 22.5, that's way above what would ever be considered an eating disorder. Even my GP is happy with my weight loss, he was the one always saying I needed to lose weight to help my asthma.
A day in the life of binge eating disorder.
But I know. I know that buying that popcorn and drink won't end there. I know they will spark cravings for other sweet and salty things as I search for the feel good rush that comes with food. For the past few months now food has been my comfort, the one constant that I can rely on to fill the void of not knowing who I am, what I want, or why I am even still on this earth.
A day in the life of generalized anxiety.
Walking through the halls I am the ultimate observer. I see the other students like me, the way their body language tells of unspoken torment within. I see who is looking where and am acutely aware of multiple conversations being had around me. I decide sitting with people at lunch is too much today. What if I say the wrong thing?
A day in the life of untreated depression.
I make it through school using my usual tactics. Smile when appropriate, laugh when everyone else does, act surprised or hurt when something bad happens, and when it all gets too much escape to the bathroom for a bit so I can just be how I feel, numb.