I am human

Jul 20

I have a heart filled with grief and a body riddled with scars,
And I sometimes believe I should be put behind bars.
I live in a world of confusion and insufferable pain,
With a mind that deceives me and drives me insane.

I have more burns on my body than years in my life,
And torturous memories of my blood on a knife.
I can’t sleep without nightmares or rest without guilt,
And you wouldn’t believe the amount of tears I have spilt.

Yes I do have a family, whom I love and adore,
And as far as possessions I couldn’t ask for more.
Truth is I have lived a life that is blessed,
Why is it then that I have become so depressed?

Your guess as to the reason is as good as mine.
Why just me, out of my family of nine?
Don’t bother looking for the answers aren’t there,
It is true when they say that life isn’t fair.

So I guess that is why this is me and not you,
That’s tortured and haunted and can’t find a way through.
This disease is like any cancer, just as scary and lethal,
And touches the lives of just as many people.

The only difference is it is not of body, but mind,
And for some unknown reason that makes people blind.
Blind to the need for some help and understanding,
Rather than the restraints and constant reprimanding.

To make sufferers believe that treatment is shameful,
And turn legitimate diagnoses into an insult and a label.
That is the world that we live in right now.
A world where a death threat is more common than a vow.

So yes I have thoughts that are dark and absurd,
And my grasp on reality is shaky and blurred.
But I promise this scares me much more than it scares you,
So before you try to judge what I have been through:

Try to see that I don’t choose to live my life this way.
I don’t choose to struggle to make it through each day.
I am exactly the same person I was before you knew.
I have as mental illness, but I’m still just as human as you.

~ Simone Brick, 2015 ~