My Marathon Journey
Part one: The Beginnings
The idea of running a marathon was a huge part of what got me into running. It is the first distance I 'trained' (loosely at least) for, and ever since crossing the line of my first one in 2015 I have been enthralled by the beauty of it. I ran my first one almost entirely with my head, just to prove to myself I could. My body was far from conditioned for what I was asking it to do, but I was at such a mentally challenging time in my journey that physical pain and limits meant nothing to me. Being new to running, I did not have any PBs or training runs that would suggest I was capable of running my aim, 3hrs 30 mins. That didn't even enter my mind though, because all I knew was that I was running more than I ever had and if I could run a half marathon in 1:45:00 surely I can just double my half marathon PB? Also going for me was that I didn't know any other runners at all, so had no one around me telling me I couldn't do it or enlightening me to what 'pacing' is. In my blissful naivety, I wholeheartedly believed I could.
Knowing what I know now, I'm still not entirely sure how I did pull it off that day. What I do remember though, is convincing myself that the more pain I was in the more power I had, and there's a lot to be said for the power of the mind in distance running. I crossed the line in 3:19:25, and it changed my view of myself and what I was capable of forever.
Come early 2016, and I signed up for my second marathon from a hospital bed waiting to have major stomach surgery. It was Melbourne Marathon, due to be run six months to the day from surgery. After 2 months of painfully slow recovery, I started running again, and my training was a shambles for the most part. Because I couldn't train the way I wanted physically, I set my efforts on fundraising for The Butterfly Foundation for Eating Disorders as a way to give a larger purpose to the run. I spent my weekends outside coles selling raffle tickets, and door knocking local businesses for prizes. I was studying nursing full time, and almost all my training ideas came from running magazines, or just as a way to commute with my chunky backpack. But again, I didn't know any runners, and the only time I ran in a group was the few times I would join a Sri Chinmoy 'training race'. I was just as clueless, and that again worked in my favour.
After putting in some on and off weeks of training, my mental health took a bad turn again and I started another round of Magnetic Seizure Therapy at The Alfred Hospital just as I started to taper two weeks out. Having an induced seizure three days a week before racing a marathon is not in any way a good prep, but like many other things in my life I used it as a mental tool just to try and prove that despite the circumstances, I could achieve my goal. To try and boost my confidence, a week before the marathon, I raced a 10km and ran close to my 10km PB, which for clueless me made me change my entire race plan. 7 days out I decided that rather than just try and go sub 3hrs 30 mins due to my compromised body, I set myself the insanely high goal of running sub 3hrs 10 mins and coming in the top 25 females. Thankfully, my family were just as clueless as me and thought that was a great idea, egging me on.
Come race day, and I had raised $10,000 for Butterfly and was wearing a custom T-Shirt with the names of 42 Eating Disorder Soldiers or Fallen Angels on the back. With nothing but the thought of running for all the people battling for their life and to prove to them that despite the hard road we can come through it stronger and healthier than ever, I pushed my way right to the front of the Melbourne Marathon start line ( I was literally standing with my toe on the timing mat refusing to budge), and set off with a deep determination to give my all.
Long story short, I ran like a blissful little kid full of brazen confidence and optimism. I went through 10km within a minute of my PB, and set new PBs for every distance from there onwards. I distinctly remember looking down at my watch at 15km seeing a time faster than I ever had and screaming to dad as I ran past him 'Dad, I've never run 15km this fast before in my life!'. One of the guys around me that heard that looked over at me with shock on his face and emphatically said 'Oh girl, slow down, you're gonna die'. Saying nothing in return, I thought to myself 'I'll show you' and sped up instead.
Clocking the half marathon in a then PB of 1:31:31 I was elated. In my mind, that was just banked time. I didn't know I was supposed to go out on pace or slower, so I didn't. I didn't know that I was supposed to drink at the aid stations, so I didn't. I didn't know that the combination of both these things meant I should have hit a wall - I didn't even know what 'The Wall' was so never expected it to come. My last 2km were almost my fastest all day. I ran 3:07:29, fainted over the line, and came 24th.
Then and still looking back now, I don't actually think what I did in both of these was anything insanely special or crazy. I really just didn't have a mind bogged down by other people's beliefs or ideas. With an open, beginners mind, I was out there on a solo mission with a huge purpose inside me. I believed in myself, and the power of self-belief when it comes to reaching your physical limits over distances is a huge factor. It won't always work out - and indeed in other races my ignorance really did hurt me. But there is a lot to be said for the fact that, to a point, if you truly believe your training is getting you fitter, it will. If you believe you are getting stronger and faster and can do hard things, a lot of the time, you can. This doesn't work if it's merely optimistic denial, but true, deep belief is proven to get people a long way in their endeavours in any field.
If you had of asked me the day after the Melbourne Marathon what was next, I would have confidently told you that in 2017 I was going to break three hours, and one day I would run sub 2hrs 45min. Forget that I had never broken 4 minutes for a kilometre or had any idea what it actually takes to do those things.
Turns out life and a very wise coach I started with soon after Melbourne had other plans that saw me running anything and everything but a marathon for the next four years, but I have always known I was far from done with the historical distance.
Continued in Part 2: My Lockdown Marathon
Still We Rise